Still, I have often contemplated on having missed out on several years of my life. Years I could’ve learned what all the others did, years I could’ve understood them and the world better. Instead of being alone in my room, I could’ve been in the company of good friends, doing something we all liked doing together. And in the presence of these good friends, I could’ve grown more as a human being.

But no. Since humans were so clearly different from what I knew in myself, I didn’t want to be like them. I wanted to be other things. Like a dragon, or a unicorn. That was what I dreamed of growing up and becoming: a being of integrity, purity, and great ideals. Something I could not see in humans.

A misplaced child, hidden from the variety that is human nature. With my dragons and my dreams, I survived — no, I flourished. Imagination was my realm, seperate from reality.

As time passed, the very ideals I believed in made me certain that I shouldn’t keep on believing most in what is removed from the world. They also made me believe that the world of humans can contain things that might challenge even my love for this pure imagination. So a transition began.

Things have since changed. I have faced challenges, and hinders. Delving into the uncertainty of life can taint you, mislead you, and it can even kill you. Sometimes you want to give up, and believe that what you thought to be true, really wasn’t.

There are many ways to imagine the world. Cynicism is the lousiest of them all.

Now, I take a minute to look back. Where was I heading before, where am I heading now, and what is really the wisest? Some time ago, I wanted to become a dragon. Lately, I have tried becoming more human.

Do the two really conflict?

I used to think humans were limited and weak. Now, I have come to see what potential really lies in us. All we can see and feel is a part of us. If we feel great things, then great things can be in our life.

The way I see it, I have three choices. Either I can live with the happiness of imagination and the anguish of its lack in the physical world; or I can forget and suppress the imagination and try and see the physical world as more bright; or… I can see the imagination as my palette and the physical world as my canvas, transporting the inspiration of imagination, and letting magic into the mundane realm.

That is my dream. That, and the ability to fly, of course.

Drastic events and changes have befallen me since I last put some work into making an entry. But all in all I am still the same, possibly even more so, and I am now of a better and more purposeful design.

On my adventure I saw things that I thought could lie ahead of me. I sought and longed for these things, these myriads of premonitions and daydreams. But I was mistaken as to where the paths to them lay, and who they involved. What I saw exists further on through time, but I still do not know in which direction.

Actually, the dreams did not start alongside this adventure. For they were and are just that; dreams. Like all people have, like we all strive for. For years and years they’ve whispered to me hope and promises of especially happy days and moments, and for years I’ve never known how to reach them. I haven’t even always believed I ever could reach them. Tired of this state of being out of reach of my own dreams and desires, I jumped on a passing train that felt very right. Here, the dreams thrived and multiplied, and I felt my path was set. But the train brought me into unknown lands, lands where my power waned, where the columns supporting me — columns I have built and maintained — would erode and leave me helpless. And they did, for a while, and I let them. I wanted to see where the train went.

And not until then did I start noticing that the train was racing dangerously fast. I spoke up and enquired as to what was going on. Turns out things were not at all as I’d have hoped for. The train wasn’t planning to go anywhere at all, it couldn’t stop because its machinery was broken beyond my repair, and as for its heading, it was going straight through lands where my powers are useless.

But I was not shocked, because I had come to foresee it. I had just been naive and blind so far, and these lands were no lands of naivety and childplay. Though lingering a short moment in hope that things would magically work out, this proved dangerous for both my soul and my heart, and I eventually realized I had never had any business on that train. Determination dawning on me, I soared out and toward the sky with all my forgotten might. Only to find out that by staying so long I had become attached to the vehicle with an elastic string. The bond was not strong enough to bring me back, but it snapped and rebound on me. The impact threatened to break me, to the point that I found myself having to form an alliance within myself.

For years now I’ve been divided. When I observed my own being and saw it, I further defined myself that way. Many of my sides, characteristics and ideals I’ve centered on mythological beings. Officially it’s because it makes me able to aspire and set goals higher than if I were to have human role models. Humans are always good and evil in one, whereas a dragon and a unicorn can be pure, unmoveable, undefeatable, per definition! — they will never falter. Personally, it’s because I just feel there’s more than just this world we know. If not, then why can we imagine more, and why do we contain feelings that this world never will or can satisfy in itself?
So in short, I have the soul of a dragon, and the heart of a unicorn, in the body of a human. That’s the way it’s been. But the dragon has ruled, and the unicorn has been suppressed. That way I stayed happy and serene, though my feelings were limited and hard to keep. However, since the dragon isn’t all of me, that isn’t the right way of things. Trusting literature and passed-on knowledge, I’ve tried to ease my reign over my own heart, letting it breathe now and then. But I never trusted it.

I’ll do the symbolical version. During this recent adventure of mine, the dragon was badly injured. He flew into unknown lands and hit an invisible wall. In that weakened state, he could not endure the impact upon leaving the train. And after a series of small, curious revelations, the dragon acknowledged the unicorn, who gave his heart to the dragon, joining them in one being with a common will.

So there it is. I’ve made peace with myself. Furthermore, some of my attitudes have changed. Before jumping on that train, I never thought such an act was possible for me to do successfully. But during the ride I spent a lot of time thinking, and learning from it. I now feel more confident about my dealings in this world, and I feel more human.

And the journey continues.

We’re living in a world where information is power, where art is commercial and everything is analyzed based on its usefulness to our mundane purposes. Here, a weary mind remembers the falseness of this and tries to look for more.

What is grass to you? What about your room? Christmas? A bottle of water?

If all your answers are equally logic and explainable, if you were able to define them all, you might want to hear me out.

Sometimes I wonder.. what if the things I treasure — fantasy and its beauty — will some day mean nothing to me? What if I will one day picture a dark, enigmatic castle in front of a magnificent stormy sky full of roaring dragons and fire.. and feel nothing? It could happen, such things do happen to many people. They lose the magic, the touch, for a while at least. Fact is, even the most wonderful image you can ever imagine, is nothing at all without the feeling that comes with it, a feeling that is not part of the image but of your mind. The magic of the image. But what the heck is the magic, and why can’t we keep it?

I asked what things mean to you now. But what was christmas like when you were a small kid? And you room, grass, even the water? It wasn’t the same, was it? For your sake, I sure hope not. Was it something different, or something more? For me, it was definitely more, much more.

Today, you look at the bottle of water, and you see and think of water and plastic, or glass. You probably also think of the company that makes the water, perhaps you think about where you bought it, where you’ve brought it, what you want it for and what you’re gonna do with it.

When you were a kid, you didn’t really know what plastic was. You didn’t know who made it, or at least you didn’t care, and if you did something with it is was only a spontaneous action. You didn’t know the definitions you know today, the words you use now. Yet, you could define that bottle of water just as well, you were in no confusion about what the thing was. How come? Because as a kid, you don’t define things with words and relations, you define them with feelings. You felt that it was a bottle. It was what a bottle meant to you. Such definitions are not at all explainable with words.

So why, why did you throw away this magic in order to define the bottle with emotionless symbols like ‘water’ and ‘plastic’? No reason to defend oneself, because we all do this for some reason. Most likely, it’s the society that teaches us to do so. And what is the human society, except a product of experience alone? What I mean by this is, we’ve built it on logic and reason, through neutral and emotionless thought. Such is an ability of our minds, but it is not something we are limited to. Hence we start our lives thinking in wholly different patterns. We do this by running on the only thing we know yet, which is instinct and subconsciousness. This, our BIOS if you like, cannot define things using the words we do not know yet, or the definitions we won’t learn in many years yet to come. The only thing it can use to make us see any difference in anything, is an infinitely advanced piano of the heart and mind, merging thousands of factors to form an extremely complex set of emotions.

That is the wonder of the human mind. But we, our own consciousnesses, cannot be aware of how this wonder works. If we are to think in our own ways, if we want to understand things and learn, we have to form our own primitive definitions based on the limited possibilities of the conscious mind. Sure, it’s a great ability to achieve such freedom, but we are blindly ignoring what we are forsaking. We leave the keys of the piano to hopelessly try and study it from a distance! It’s like you stop moving the muscles in your leg in order to use your hand to do it instead. And we do it because we thirst and thirst for knowledge and power and freedom and happiness. But we never do get the last one. And we don’t understand why. And we are forever lost because we’ve long forgotten the crime we did upon our own minds, because we’ve walked away for so long we forget we’ve moved.

Perhaps you’ve been standing still for years and years. You might have fallen into the same routine day after day, with emotionless definitions surrounding you on all sides. You know everything well now, you know all the definitions of the world, so you don’t need to think them over. It’s far too easy to fall into such a trap. Try to look around, try and remember where you have been, look for your tracks. It wasn’t always empty, dull and directionless like this, was it? Then why now? It doesn’t have to be like this, you know, it’s actually something you’ve chosen. You take everything for granted now, you know it all well, but at the same time, you don’t know anything anymore. But you can still move, never think you can’t, for then and only then, you never will.

This is why I don’t do like everybody else just because everybody else does it. This is why I analyze and search and see what’s beyond, find the whys, the meanings. This is why I want to know at all times just what I’m doing, and its consequences, and why I rarely do something new. It enables me to see before it’s too late, to know before I’ve forgotten. Sure, it’s not like noone has the same ideas, once every so often you always hear the typical ‘oh, don’t waste your youth, stay young, keep the mind of a child’ — but have you ever thought it through like this, have you ever stopped and really tried to confirm it and not just accept it as wisdom? In today’s socitety, there’s rarely any time for such. It engulfs us is what it does, eats us bit by bit if we’re not wary.

But we are all still able to define by feelings, define my magic, no matter how much we’re crippled by the ignorant ideas and attitudes of today’s society. Later definitions, conscious definitions based on relations and observations, lay piled up like a mountain in our minds and heart, but we haven’t lost the old ability. It just takes a little shift of mind, a change of attitude. Don’t look at surfaces, don’t think with words. What do things really mean to you? Never look at objects, look into them, look beyond them and search. Forget their words, forget what they are, define them with feelings and they shall mean feelings to you.

I’m not saying you can go pull a lever in your mind and then see wonders in everything. It was once said ‘happiness is not a place to arrive at, but a manner of travelling’. It’s not about doing, it’s about trying and believing. This subject isn’t about happiness alone or any other feeling, but it is however about all of them. Most of the feelings we define by words are mere points along the line of feelings. You can pinpoint an infinitely accurate point anywhere on that line. And any two points on the line have an infinite other points inbetween, no matter how close the two points are. Thus, the few pinpoints we have made into words are retarding, to say the least. Never try to define anything and everything with them, for every single mood and every single object and every single anything has its own unique feeling, and the less you can define it with words, the better.

Yes, this is a reminder, a little wake-up call. Wisdom isn’t good enough if it’s just there, it matters not how many times you hear it be repeated if you never think it over. Do not let the opportunity pass when you can do such. Don’t forget. You might never hear this reminder again.

Sometimes, if feels as if one’s attitude converges towards cynicism. There’s always someone able to thwart your hopes with due right. But what if there is a seperation between fact and feeling, and what if cynicism is just one of many emotional perspectives?

A large part of the world has gone blind. Cynical. Bitter. Cold and depressed. There are a whole lot of people who concider themselves to be “honest” or “truthful”, and all they know and tell is misery. All of the things that are wrong in the world – suffering, selfishness, abuse, brutality and corruption. I sense we’re in a pessimistic period where noone trusts their own governments. I wouldn’t say it’s bad to be critical, but it’s funny how we’re never happy with it and how we always see the bad sides of all actions taken by the controlling forces.
Many people have a perception of the world as a rotten apple, full of corruption and only negative sides.

It’s so strange that we never wonder WHY we think so. Why are we unhappy with the world? It’s because we imagine what would be better and we want it to be that way. Most humans on the face of this planet wants the world to be a better place. Doesn’t that mean, symbolically, that we have a core of goodness?

Regardless of what you feel about that, we still have these thoughts about better worlds. And even if we go that way or not with the actual world, aren’t the thoughts a good thing by themselves?
Think about the music you like best. It’s likely to have some sort of overworldly, wonderful atmosphere. Wouldn’t you call this music a positive feature in the world? Well, humans made it. The same goes for all stories, books, movies, tv-games, all philosophy and all thoughts, even all fantasy. I think many are forgetting about the humans behind all of it and the effort and feeling they put into it. There are so many humans in the world wanting goodness and making goodness. These people you don’t hear about frequently. But they don’t mind. They’re not seeking fame or power.

Media is all about bad things. Bad times and unexpected actions are often all that’s etched into history. Somehow it’s what people want to hear and see. Might be an instinct that makes us more alert of danger. Although this might come in handy, it’s utterly misguiding. In a world of this size, there are enough bad things to cover your whole area of vision every day of the year. I’d say the focus on the corruption is the real corruption, a mental corruption.

Yet, we know bad because we know good. If we only knew bad then we wouldn’t be so unhappy, because we wouldn’t know any better. Our discontent shows there must be a contrast in the world, there must be good. And everything that’s just the slight inch better than bad is man-made. You might say nature is good and not man-made, but tell me, is nature really that good if there’s no human there to say so? We humans have a really flexible mind. We come from a nature in which your own good is the only important issue, so where the heck did all these ideas of better worlds where everyone’s happy come from? Hard to say, but based on this I’d say we humans are the most good being on the face of this planet.

As I said, we have flexible minds. We have a broad spectrum of feelings. The discontent shows that the spectrum extends far into much better feelings that we have in the world today. And all the good we have created proves those feelings aren’t just a trial version, we can have them and use them like any other feeling.

The problem is achieving this. There are so many dimensions in the world – transitions that can be made from one state to another. But how do you move through these dimensions? Heck, what muscle do you use to move in the fourth space dimension? That is impossible, but emotional dimensions are different. You can open your mind and make it follow other habits, thoughts and feelings, but you can’t be taught how. You have to find the right muscle yourself. When you do, you might eventually realise how you’ve been standing still your whole life, maybe in a puddle, maybe at the edge of a cliff. Things you took as granted were impossible become accomplishable, you manage to see things a different way, outside the box.

I feel I have moved though several dimensions like this. My view on most things has changed, I am able to see every side of issues. I see this a a great achievement, but I also see it as unfair for those who are stuck in fixed dimensional positions, unhappy with the world, their life, or just about anything.

I don’t care much for the physical world. My position in it is not important to me – I don’t want wealth, fame or power. I want happiness, contentness and good feelings. That enables me to keep a distance from any corruption. The last thing I want is to make more of that. I won’t take advantage of others for my own good because I don’t need to do that to get what I want. I am free to choose how to take on the world. Although, I’ve already made that choice.
I will do what is in my power and ability to spread goodness. I want people to realize it’s there, and enable them to take their deserved part of it. I will not make anything big out of it, because it can’t be done that way, at least not by me. I will do my best to influence those around me and anyone in need.

Strangers are not really less than friends to me. I want to give everyone the same chance. If someone I don’t know asks for help, I will provide it if I can. I will try to answer any question and share my experience and thoughts wherever I feel they can help, given that my assistance is accepted.
However small my influence will be, anything is more than nothing and it does make a difference. Dragons or not, I see no reason to give up on this world.