And I would stop all I do wrong: all I am expected to do, but that I deep down know I shouldn’t. All for the sake of comfort, I risk resignation, I risk forgetting, I risk dying in life. I would stop it, and I would travel. To rediscover the forsaken, remember the forgotten. I would travel to visit my soul.

Not to find a path. Just to walk.

We are sometimes afraid of ourselves, conforming to what feels safe just to lessen our anxieties, our fears of the unknown, however good.

Why do we all hinder ourselves? Why do we hold back, in favor of being gray? Is is because we are afraid of loss?

Even when we know what can be, how life can be, why oh why do we still do nothing? Why do I do nothing?

Humans can be so special. Relationships can be so special. But we.. no, I. I am so afraid. I cannot hide behind mankind on this one. It’s childish, it’s introverted, it’s straight-out stupid, but I am afraid of letting anyone close. All my life, I have kept more distance from others than I can honestly say I’m happy with.

Why doesn’t matter. Whys are not just excuses, they are shields; shields of lies that you can hide behind and believe it’s okay that you’re doing something wrong. Psychology is an elaborate shield that lets us be gray with a clean conscience. I will not ponder on why I am afraid and distant, and then be happy with the reason I find most likely. I will not be happy with being like this for the rest of my life, with not being as I think people ought to be.

Difference starts somewhere. And then it spreads. We would all do best not to resist the kind of change that this movie inspires in us.

This post tells about the need to have a safe home to come home to, the insecurity of not having one, and what you need to make one.

I’m not content right now. I’ve got this vague feeling like something needs fixing, something that’s gone wrong somewhere but that nobody’s noticed. It’s like the world used to be run properly, but then we all started neglecting it to stress over less important matters instead, and now we’ve all forgotten how it was and how it used to be run. I feel I should do something, I feel I should take control and make things work again, show people that the happiness of the past can return not only in our minds.

But things seem so different now, so much more complicated. Complication has tainted my mind, and ignorance has become a habit. I can see it happening and I work against it, but I cannot help but be carried away by the huge current. I knew once that there were refuges on top of the water, many of them. Refuges built on happiness, joy and friendship, built by those who share it, who know it and who can give it. Those refuges still exist, in new forms, for others, but I shy away from them. I do not feel at home in them. I visit sometimes and it inspires me greatly, for a while, but overall I’ve become an outsider.

I constantly try to build my own refuges. But they are mere shadows of those I remember. Though I wish to build them for others as well, they are made by and for myself, and I alone support them. And that’s not how it works at all.

However, I’m well aware that I’m not the only outsider. And you don’t need to be an outsider either to be troubled by this. The problem is independence. Before, I used to have little to no control over my own life. My family and my friends’ families controlled everything that happened in my life. They’d lived long lives already and they’d built several refuges between them; a network of houses on the water. In due time, we will also have built such for the next generation, and they will, hopefully, live happily in this safe haven. But what about those of us, here, now, who’ve left the nest of our childhood?

We’re in the cold of the river, swimming to find our own path. But we also need to find together. We need those refuges, and we can’t build them alone. Many of us aren’t good at building, or at cooperating, but letting that hinder you will never lead you to happiness. This is not the time to lay still in the water. Good friends are the most important thing of all when you’ve become independent.

Lastly, who says you can’t return home from time to time? We’re humans, and not birds. Leaving the nest does not mean you never go back, not at all. Of course, not all of us have the luxury of a safe home, but for those of us who do, it’s a great source of inspiration.