But it creates a heck of a good view being just where it is.

Without the horizon, I do not know which way to go, and even if I go the right way, I will wonder why I did so, without any sense of purpose.

Here I am again, talking about attitudes towards life. I lost faith for a while, but now I’m back. I believe I created something of myself through this journal, and leaving would be forsaking that. Now I choose not to.

What I accomplish in life has limited meaning. It is how I live my life that is most essential. What I choose to use as a background setting for whatever my life turns out to be. What I put my hopes in and what I choose to believe is true. When I have faith in something, I create a new section within myself. And this section can then give me the guidance and the answers that I need to achieve meaning in my own life.

So what do I believe in?

Love. The unconditional caring of other beings, that we all talk of yet never seem to understand.

I used to blame love for my hurts and wounds, but it was never love that hurt me. Love does not hurt. Lust and envy, however, does. Sadly, we all tend to believe in these things as well. But that does not mean that they need to be on my horizon.

True love is an ideal — we can always do better — so it is a perfect setting for a horizon. We can get infinitely close, but it will always be ahead to drive us further.

Or perhaps I’m wrong.

But I really like the view.

Every joy I feel, I want to share. Every good thing I discover, I want to pass on. If doing that was easy, I would be a very happy person, for I have so much to share. But it’s not easy, so I always try to refine my methods. It’s not like striving to be accepted, which is generally a bad thing. No, I strive merely to become a better person, a better friend, a better mentor. A better father.

I’ve actually thought about fatherhood a deal lately. Perhaps it’s because I’ve recently managed to form a mental image of the ideal paternal spirit: the caring, compassionate, strong, wise, never-failing fatherly role. I suddenly understood better why some religious people are so caught up in characters like Jesus, an example of such a spirit. Another example is Aslan, from The Chronicles of Narnia. Both are genuinely caring characters that you just know you can trust, rely on to make things better, who do not waver or doubt. I understand the attitudes and ideals that form the basis of this spirit, this archetype, and I want to give it my best shot at living up to the same role when my time comes. I believe I can be a good father

I guess … I guess this actually provides me with something to fight for. I’ve been a bit short on that lately. Yes, I can fight for this. A possible future. My future children. They’ll need me to be strong, so why not start towards that goal right away? They won’t want to be hearing about how I couldn’t pull myself together and become strong for them because I spent my youth being heartbroken, lonely and anxious.

I’m a goddamn genious.

Inspiration, yes. It’s what I’m all about. And from this moment on, I’ll be just a little more stubborn in my ways, a little less respectful of the society’s norms and expectations, and a deal more self-confident. Sure, with all I’ve just said, I could instead profess that, from this day on, I’ll be radically different. But experience shows that’s not the way it works. And that’s a good thing. So this is one more step, one of many, towards the future I seek. The soil beneath my feet is not mud and pebble, but dreams and inspiration, hope and confidence, love and compassion. I do not choose my way from what I know exists. I make my own way. Step by step.

This entry in other words: I started playing Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean today. I absolutely love it so far, because of the wonderful score, and I want the whole world to play it, to feel it.