Time to Reflect

“Another year is coming to an end. A new year is waiting to be born. Standing at the edge of the cliff, a new valley lies shrouded in mist beneath. The wise will shed a tear for the events that have led us here, and let new wings grow. Tomorrow, it is time to take flight.”

So now, I take the time to reflect upon a year-long walk.

The past through a veil

The year 2008 has been a year of learning. A year of change. A year of humility, of compassion, of slumber, rest and harmony. It has also been a year of neglect, of panic and exhaustion and of intense self-searching. I have cried more this year than I have all previous years combined.

Well. Let me break it down chronologically.

January, I was a mess. I was spinning round in the treadmill, spending all my energy but not getting anywhere. Several times I changed back and forth between hopeless love and just pure hopelessness. However, though I can be an idiot and even a jackass, I am not a fool, so I had my recovery planned. All the time until Spring, I spent preparing myself, mentally, for a change to the better.

Like a blessing came April. Inspired by newly added wisdom and spiritual ideas I related to, I sought and found all-new experiences in nature. I heard birdsong like I had never heard it before. I saw deer several times. Half of the photos I took this month were of birds. The other half were of clouds. Spring was showing to be exactly that rescuing angel I had hoped it would be.

The weather this summer was glorious, and thus, so was my mood. I walked in the nearby forests time upon time, paying close attention to the developing life and taking hundreds of photos. I did good in the external life, finishing exams and getting a summer job. I also went interrailing through Europe. The amount of new experiences was astounding, and I kept them all in a detailed log.

Eventually, I could see and feel nature starting to wane, to lean towards a new slumber. But with all that’d been this warm season, I welcomed Autumn with open hands. Summer had become plain, and it was time to rustle up other parts of myself and enter a new phase. All Summer had been spent looking outside, and now came the time to look inside, and digest all the new stuff.

I now found a renewed liking for New Age music. In my preparation for Spring I had taught myself meditation, and now I could combine these two to explore deeper part of myself. I make no claims and I hold no belief, but I react rather positively to this stuff. Meditation has proven to be a very effective way for me to clear my mind of stress and reactivate my creativity. This has been a goal of mine since. I even bought a guitar and managed to learn its ways and its theories pretty well.

Since Winter crept over the lands, I have longed back to the green of Spring, but I have tried to discipline myself and be glad for what is now. That’s something I’ve had to do, because this year has been lacking compared to earlier years. It’s my energy that has lessened. I’ve become economical and I make do with what I have.

I am steadily becoming a better human. But I am not forsaking my other sides.

A track for the year that’s been: Wim – Serenity Falls.